Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest,
unless acted upon by some outside force -- such as the opening of
cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless
there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters
attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the
Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a
cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat
flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance
proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever
possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved
as is possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation: A cat can make her body long enough to
reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely
interesting on it.
Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant
rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance: Cats must attend all meals
when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration: No rug may remain in its naturally
flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance varies in
proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation: Cats know that energy can
neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as
little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation: Cats also know that energy
can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a
refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out
something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction: Turn on an electric
blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek, and
usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag/Box Occupancy: All bags and boxes in a given
room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment: A cat's irritation rises in direct
proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human
Law of Milk Consumption: A cat will drink his weight in milk,
squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch
furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing: A cat will always land in the softest
Law of Fluid Displacement: A cat immersed in milk will
displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in
inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in
trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the
potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition: A cat is composed of Matter +
Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
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Barbara Petersen, October 1998 firstname.lastname@example.org