Cat Physics

  1. Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force -- such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

  2. Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

  3. Law of Cat Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

  4. Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

  5. Law of Cat Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

  6. Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.

  7. Law of Cat Elongation: A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

  8. Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

  9. Law of Dinner Table Attendance: Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

  10. Law of Rug Configuration: No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

  11. Law of Obedience Resistance: A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

  12. First Law of Energy Conservation: Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

  13. Second Law of Energy Conservation: Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

  14. Law of Refrigerator Observation: If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

  15. Law of Electric Blanket Attraction: Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

  16. Law of Random Comfort Seeking: A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

  17. Law of Bag/Box Occupancy: All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

  18. Law of Cat Embarrassment: A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

  19. Law of Milk Consumption: A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

  20. Law of Furniture Replacement: A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

  21. Law of Cat Landing: A cat will always land in the softest place possible.

  22. Law of Fluid Displacement: A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

  23. Law of Cat Disinterest: A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

  24. Law of Pill Rejection: Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

  25. Law of Cat Composition: A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

(Author unknown....)


Go Back To The Animal Humor Page
Go Back To Barb's Home Page


Barbara Petersen, October 1998 barb@velvet.com