We have the right to remain silent. Or not. Depends on how we feel
at the moment.
We have the right to stick our furry toes and noses where they do not
belong, especially in bowls containing ice cream, tuna fish, or any
other good smellin' concoction.
When exercising Right Number Two, we have the right to look at you and
say, "Where's mine? What do you mean 'get down'? You didn't mean that.
I know you didn't...."
We have the right to attack any person's eyes who might be experiencing
REM sleep, tickle their noses and faces with our whiskers, and, if this
does not produce the desired result, climb under the covers, locate the
toes of said human, and delicately (yet, forcefully) gnaw.
Hairballs. Anywhere we want. So there.
We have the right to sit, innocently, in front of things which may be
distracting you such as books, televisions, radios, and computer screens.
See Number Five. So there.
We MAY tease the dog. And laugh.
WE have the right to privacy in our own bathrooms. You do not.
Pills? Baths? You must be joking .... We reserve the right to bathe
the bather, and cheek the pills. NYAH!
You love us. We know that you do. We demand that you do so, even when
you find the result of Right Number Five inside of your favourite slippers.
We may openly ignore you. It is the way things are. Did you say
We have the right to consider such repugnant words as "no", "naughty",
and "vet" as nothing more than unreasonable and inconsequential human
outbursts that mean nothing. Nothing at all.
All raised butts must be scratched no matter what you're doing. Failure
to do so will result in a head butt like you've never experienced in your
entire life. Trust us.
We have the right to make you feel responsible when we break something,
like GreatGram's candy dish.
We have the right to change our minds 20 times a day about our food.
Iams? Friskies? Eukanuba? How about the dog's food, instead....
We reserve the right to make you jealous by pouring our affections on
those who may not deserve it at the time, such as your spouse, significant
other, the cable guy, the kids, and your mother-in-law.
We have the right to expect you to throw 'sparkle balls' or any other
object we think is interesting -- even if it is your Mickey Mouse
watch -- for us to retrieve and expect you to continue until we are tired
of the game, no matter what you were doing.
We have the right at the show hall, or when you have people visiting the
cattery, to ceremoniously flop on our heinies, lift our back legs, and
dutifully scrub our nether regions as you try to masterfully distract us,
only to have to give up and switch the conversation from how elegant and
regal we are, to how fastidious we are. We are laughing on the inside.
You should be, too.
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Barbara Petersen, January 2002 email@example.com